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Post by justabaldguy on Oct 3, 2010 15:16:57 GMT -5
I'm been thinking a lot in the past few years about friends and personal relationships. Specifically, I've been looking at the differences between "real life" and "online" friends.
I'm 32. I don't have many friends in "real life." I've got a few guys I talk with at church who I enjoy. Occasionally we'll do a church event and chat a bit. I have a guy I used to work with who I hang out with maybe 3 or 4 times a year. I've got a good friend in my hometown about 2.5 hours away who I see almost all my concerts with and we talk on the phone sometimes. Besides that though there's not much else. I don't have people over to the house much, but with three kids and a wife we don't really have a lot of free time.
I've got a few great guys I play Xbox 360 with online. We get along great, and have some actually "deep" conversations about life struggles like work, kids, marriage, etc. I've never seen any of these friends face to face. I know a few of you here, guys like Phil who I love talking KMO with on Facebook and our beloved Mooreatorium, but again have never met. It would seem I'm comfortable enough with y'all since I've posted such a topic, but that may just be the comfort of anonymity since we never see each other.
So what about y'all? Every notice anything along these lines? How many good friends would you say you have? How many people do you hang out with in real life? If you really want to get philosophical, do you think this is the future for relationships due to how pervasive online environments have become?
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Post by sknowbird on Oct 5, 2010 23:21:06 GMT -5
This post really hit home for me, James. I've so many online friends and only a handful that I get to see in person who are what I'd consider true friends. I've become pretty close with a few of the ppl I've "met" online. These friends, to me, are real friends but I realize that we may never get to meetup in real life. Yet I consider them real friends, to me personally. I value having someone there to share life with. Not just music! And I'm another thirty-something like you too..39 to be accurate and brutally honest! *hehe*
I'd say maybe that I hang with 3 friends too but like u said, it's harder when these friends also have family and other priorities too. Especially as we grow older and they or you move away from one another. And, agreed, this indeed is already becoming the future of relationships in general. The online friend or contact! Even closeby family members some of us rarely keep in touch on a regular basis. But with things like Facebook it's a daily catchup with the online friends. It's weird and pretty impersonal relying on that, however. I mean, for sanity's sakes! But, admittedly, some of these online friends I've known I will always cherish. Just remarkable, special ppl who share your similar passion for music. A dual-edged sword but without the internet SHINE would never have been possible. Either way, Kevin really has brought many of us together no matter where we find ourselves in this world. It's so amazing!
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Post by justabaldguy on Oct 6, 2010 8:16:03 GMT -5
Well said Phil! It's odd at times. I go days on end with just me and my three girls. We leave to hit the YMCA or to drop them off at school. I may make small talk with people (usually women, oddly enough) at these places. Being a stay at home dad puts me in a different world. Were it not for Facebook, I'd have no real relationships.
It ebbs and flows (as all things do) with time. Sometimes it's good, and I'll be out and about, but usually even then I don't have real deep friendships, just semi-casual ones. It might not be a change in times just a change in priorities.
So oddly enough I find myself hitting the Mooreatorium, Facebook, gaming sites, etc for that bit of interaction and conversation. It's always people I've never met, but it does scratch the itch.
Anyone else have a thought on this?
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Post by unalaguna on Oct 6, 2010 8:28:38 GMT -5
I do, just waiting for the right time to write my thoughts up! Some very deep, important ideas and thoughts here.
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Post by virtueorvice on Oct 9, 2010 6:40:40 GMT -5
Well, this is a nice thread. i think knowing new people is always one of the best experiences ever happens to us. Nowadays with Facebook, social networks, and forums meeting and knowing new people is really easy. Information is transferred instantly and easily with low prices.
i think online friendships leads to better face to face interactions. And if somehow someday we were going to meet an online friend face to face, it would be much more easier and relaxed. Another thing i want to mention is that via online relations and friendships people with different nationalities and from different cultures know each other. This causes us to become closer to each other, because after all we are all Human Beings from the same origination.
i have more online friends than in real life.
Kevin also makes music online. Kevin sends the files to Jim and Jim to Kevin! ;D
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Post by justabaldguy on Oct 12, 2010 14:40:05 GMT -5
The more I think about this, the more interesting it is. I usually go days without seeing "friends." I drop the girls off at preschool which is through our church, and I talk to the folks there. I know all of them, and it's polite, enjoyable conversation. But they're not friends, not in the real sense. Most of my interaction with people is online, forums like here or Facebook, etc. Maybe the instantaneousness like Amiri mentioned is part of the puzzle.
Unalaguna, your turn! Share some thoughts with us!
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Post by unalaguna on Oct 12, 2010 16:24:48 GMT -5
Waaaahh!
Well I suppose it's quite a bit different from me. Being a student, I have a lot of opportunities to get to know people. I don't know that many people on my course (there are 230 per year doing physics, and I probably know less than 20, and regularly speak to/socialise with only about 5). My main source of social encounters is church. I probably feel like I've got more "true" friends now, mainly through church, than at any other time in my life thus far.
A few years ago it would have been a different story. By instinct I'm not a social person, and I would meet and socialise with people while at school, but rarely outside. Part of it was due to my commitment due to schoolwork, part of it was because most of my friends' idea of socialising was getting as drunk as possible, something I had no interest in doing. I also lived in a small village, miles away from all my school friends, so there was a physical boundary.
I ended up doing most of my socialising online then. I was part of a video game-centred community/"clan" for four years, and during that time I made some really good friends, a few of whom I still speak to on a semi-regular basic. Ultimately, it was a good ride for a couple of years, but I eventually lost interest in computer games and ended up feeling alienated from the rest of them.
I think the one thing I would parallel between my experiences at university and online is that people are brought together by common interests rather than geographical locations. And I think that's probably why many people find more fulfilment in their online friend circles than in life. Certainly, the Mooreatorium is one of the most friendly, enthusiastic communities I've come across. Part of that I think is due to its size; somewhere like the Mike Portnoy forums is big, busy and active, but not particularly personal.
So in conclusion, for now at least my real-life friends will outnumber my online friends. But in ten years time, I may be working a very lonely job and go to a small quiet church that doesn't do much, and the Mooreatorium may be my main place of socialising. It's too far in the future to say.
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Post by dyahprabaningrum on Jan 4, 2011 23:05:27 GMT -5
I don't have much friend in real life. I guess many people in my real life says I'm a bit loony, so I feel comfort to share my thoughts and my daily-life-story to my online friends than to share those to my "daily face-to-face" friends.
I wish I could meet all my online friends someday, and wish they will not call me loony...
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Post by southernsickness on Jan 6, 2011 13:57:50 GMT -5
One leads to the other sometimes.
I live in Sweden but have made real life friends with a few of the people from the old Chroma Key forum. I visited Phil "Sknowbird" Harwood (Milwaukee, USA) once, visited Greg "Delirium" Girardin (New Hampshire, USA) twice and he's coming here this summer, also I went to Artiom in Israel and he went here as well with his girlfriend.
I'm a social guy who doesn't like to be social that often. Online friends work great for me, especially if you get to see them once in a while.
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Post by justabaldguy on Jan 7, 2011 12:49:10 GMT -5
Very cool Southern, that's awesome meeting people face to face. I play games with some guys and really want to try to arrange a meeting at some point. I'm getting better at hanging out with real folks, but it takes effort. After taking care of everything in the day, then getting the kids to bed at night, it's easier to veg with a controller in hand vs getting dressed and going out to see someone.
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Post by southernsickness on Jan 7, 2011 13:23:06 GMT -5
I agree, I'm a parent though not a single parent. Where do you live btw?
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Post by justabaldguy on Jan 8, 2011 11:20:06 GMT -5
I'm in Houston, Texas. I'm married, guess that didn't come across in my post (shame on me!). I'm a stay-at-home dad so much of the childcare is my territory. Happily married with an awesome family, though a family that takes money out of my CD buying funds! ;-) j/k
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Post by southernsickness on Jan 10, 2011 14:23:57 GMT -5
I'll be a stay-at-home dad one day a week from february. As far as "a family that takeas money of my CD buying funds" goes, that is one of the best things that can happen. I have too many, would sell 90% of them for a decent vacation  |
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Post by delerium on Jan 10, 2011 15:40:58 GMT -5
I'll be a stay-at-home dad one day a week from february. As far as "a family that takeas money of my CD buying funds" goes, that is one of the best things that can happen. I have too many, would sell 90% of them for a decent vacation You need a vacation? Why, have you had to work 3 weeks in a row? |
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Post by sknowbird on Jan 11, 2011 3:01:48 GMT -5
One leads to the other sometimes. I live in Sweden but have made real life friends with a few of the people from the old Chroma Key forum. I visited Phil "Sknowbird" Harwood (Milwaukee, USA) once,.. It's quite amazing really! Yes, meeting people u are friends with online and being pleasantly surprised at how damn KEWL they actually are in person. Anders ("SouthernSickness"), like me, was on Chroma Key forum. It was odd when we 1st started talking online b/c he offended me alot as I'm sure I did him. HAhahaa Yet, we're simply both decent ppl who love to rock! We did a lot in 3 days. My fave memory is us blasting AWAKE @ 2am + headbanging in unison after I picked him up in Chicago to drive back to Wisconsin. Anders? You are a true gentleman and I'm proud to be someone you consider a friend. |
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Post by southernsickness on Jan 11, 2011 9:02:02 GMT -5
You need a vacation? Why, have you had to work 3 weeks in a row? It's a socialist state you know. The mines are very tough. Anders? You are a true gentleman and I'm proud to be someone you consider a friend. Dito duderino! Dito! |
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Post by southernsickness on Feb 22, 2011 2:47:28 GMT -5
My wife got plane tickets yesterday to Israel in april-may. Yet another swedish-israeli CK meeting |
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Post by wiche on Mar 4, 2011 15:38:37 GMT -5
I shall share my thoughts now. I think it's all in the balance, we're social beings and now with this all "social-networking" boom (Twitter, Facebook, Forums...) we all have expanded our horizons. I mean, we do have friends in real live, but we've found extraordinary people via online who shares our likes, dislikes, passion, etc. I do have a group of friends which I hang out with every weekend, but we do not share the passion for certain things (like Kevin, Prog music, etc.) and with my online friends this is so different, most of them (you) have the same passion for this kind of music like I do and that's just superb, but I would be nothing without my peeps in my real life! So there it is, we need to balance things up! I'd not change any of me friends (online or in real life) I love them (you) exactly the same, they (you) are important people in my life and I want to thank them (you) for being part of me! 
P.S.: maybe I didn't make a point but at least you know what I think about this matter! haha
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